Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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