hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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