she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize