Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my being single is dangerous.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize