Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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