it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
