you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
