OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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