I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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