I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
