i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
