Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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