just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
