this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
