I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
