my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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