i don't like sucking hair
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
