Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
