First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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