love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
