i just wanna soil my oats bro
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
