please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
