mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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