I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
