Fine. I'll sleep in my office
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
