All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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