I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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