I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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