Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
