after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
