Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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