He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
