it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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