hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
