The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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