i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
