I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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