he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
