He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
