the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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