Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize