I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
