Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
