Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
