Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
