that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
