I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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