Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
