I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
