I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
