That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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