Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Someone came in the potted fern
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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