Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
