so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
