We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
