Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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