Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
