...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
