no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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