Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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