remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
