there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sorry my hands just texted you
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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