if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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