I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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