i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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