I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
