I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
