Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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